Dadlard

We were in the market to buy a home recently. During the process, somebody sent me an email with an address that started out dadlard@whatever.com. Whatever.com wasn’t the actual name of the domain, but given the unimpressive motivational mindset of someone who uses dadlard as their email pre-fix, acceptance of whatever as a lifestyle is […]

Bonne Nuit Routine

I was super tired and trying to pick things up downstairs before going up to bed, so I grabbed my wallet and stuffed it into my left back pocket. I always put it into either my right back or right front pocket, never the left. Thus, everything felt wrong. Drinking may have played a part. […]

Hymenopterous Vintage

Many of my friends are wine freaks. They belong to clubs. They go to events. They do their part to supply City recycling workers with things to do on collection day. Me, not so much. Then I had a dream that codified my feelings. The perfect vintage requires sacrifice–insect sacrifice. In the dream, my day […]

Sentimental Fridge

We wrote an offer on a house and asked for the refrigerator as personal property. Seller’s agent comes back, says we can’t have the fridge. The seller’s grandmother gave it to him as a housewarming gift, so it has sentimental value. Sentimental value? For a fridge? Naturally, this called for texting and ripping with my […]

Fractional Addiction

I remembered a dream, in which I was interviewing for a promotion. At one point, I looked down and noticed I was wearing athletic shorts and a wife-beater, but no one on the panel seemed to notice. Things took an even stranger turn when one of the panelists, a female colleague, started asking me horse-related […]

Passing on the National Pastime

Amy shifted on the uncomfortable plastic seat at the Major League Baseball park, the skin on her exposed thighs sticking to the seat like a pancake on a griddle lacking sufficient grease. From her vantage point in the upper-upper deck, the players on the field looked like insects in an ant farm, though less organized […]