Better Welts

I got several striped welts on my outer forearms from trimming weeds, this from a combination of lack of protective arm coverings and the tendency for my high-velocity spinning trimmer head to assist pebbles to self-actualize their ordinance-in-David’s-slingshot dreams.  Some of my welts are raised, as though I were branded. They look pretty gnarly. Though […]

Coroner Trucking

Dale walked along the side of his rig, his steel-toed boots crunching through the gravel (a weighty trade from the Nike joggers he’d worn during his rounds as an ER physician), right hand running with a light touch along the white, glossy surface of the steel and aluminum sidewalls of the trailer, fingertips bumping over […]

Precision Fire Breath

Rodgers: Johnson, we need to talk about the pigeon problem on our transmission lines. Johnson: Agreed, sir. Though, which problem? Acidic breakdown of the wire sheath from the pigeons’ shit or the cooing chorus that’s causing the neighbors to complain? Rodgers: First one. These are the same people who grew up on Brittney Spears and […]

Graffiti Defense System

We live in Gresham, OR. While walking on the bike path next to our home and toward the creatively named Gresham Food Carts, I noticed an unusual industrial paint job. The back of a warehouse had been painted brown halfway up, terminating in a flat line transition to grayish, beige-ish concrete about nine feet up.  […]

Richard Mixin’

Ella said “Richard Mixin’” during Apples to Apples instead of “Nixon,” misreading the name on the card. If only Tricky Dick had taken up baking instead of taping. The presidency turns for a lack of a baked confectionery. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that sugar isn’t serious business.  I don’t recall ever having read […]