We’ll See You Again, Folks

The Family Farce is taking an indefinite hiatus. But family endures, and families are fucked up and funny, so we will be back, providing a new and improved brand of the snarky, irreverent humor you know and love. Take care, folks. Seth Kabala Editor-in-Chief

Chirp So Good

I bought Amy Chirp Wheels for her birthday. These are tires and rims without the spokes. They’re supposed to help with relieving back tension, and they do, but what I saw was a sex toy. Maybe that’s not their intended use, but whoever made a living marketing by playing it safe? Do you think the […]

The Curious Case of Brownie the Flying Cat

Anna was tracking a stray, brown cat that we saw through the back door. Then its paw prints suddenly disappeared. I wondered what happened. Rather than investigate, I chose to fictionalize where Brownie ended up. Spoiler alert: he’s okay, but he did have a rough go of it for a while. * * * Brownie […]

My Good Friend Gupus Needs Help

Amy and I were trying to drive from the SE 14th and Indianola Ave Mister Car Wash in Des Moines to Burlington Coat Factory. (Poppa needs new shoes.) We turned right onto Indianola Ave. A second later, our Dodge Journey’s GPS (aka Gupus) said to turn left. We crossed SE 14th. A second later, Gupus […]

Elbert Ainstein

We bought Will an Albert Einstein Funko Pop for his birthday. Before opening it, he shook it, turned it around in his hands, listened to the package, and declared he knew what it was. We asked him how he could be so sure. He remarked that the Albert Einstein edition was the only Funko Pop […]

Grow Your Own Furniture

Amy was assembling our new dressers. The dressers couldn’t have been more disassembled, “unless they made me cut my own wood,” she said. Yes, they could be, I countered. They could have made us grow our own trees. * * * Dissatisfied with your local furniture superstore’s selection? Feeling emotionally disconnected from the furniture pieces […]

Kinky by Dimensions

Amy bought a rubber belt with studs on it and hung this in the shower. I got all excited about kinky shower sex, until she told me it was an exfoliator, used to prevent acne. Suddenly white bodily fluids aren’t so sexy. I’ve developed an alternative explanation for the presence of the non-kinky item. It […]

The University of Iowa Bumblebees

Amy and I were playing Ticket to Ride. Amy was black. I was yellow. Amy commented that we had bumblebee colors. I said it was Iowa Hawkeye colors. Amy asked why the Hawkeyes weren’t the bumblebees. “Bumblebees are scary,” she said. Maybe. But not on the football field. Some names must remain static. I imagine […]

2020 Bibliopathy Report

I have a problem. It’s books. I acquire them armloads at a time. Many go unread for years. They are insulating the house, I think. To this and other rationalizations, my wife, Amy, rolls her eyes, but she’s got a bad case of bibliopathy herself. She just hides it with e-books and library checkouts. We […]

Editor’s Note–TFF Issue 28

Root cause analysis is important. Years ago, I owned a Chevy S-10 pickup truck. It had a rotted tailgate; it shifted like I was trying to push a toothpick through modeling clay; and it would occasionally send perfume bursts of gasoline fumes into the cab when the fuel injectors malfunctioned. But I thought it was […]