The Etymology of Suck

I asked Amy if she thought our old Dyson vacuum sucked better or worse than it used to. A word tornado ensued that went something like this: Amy: Sucked worse? You mean it got worse at sucking. Does not suck as much dirt? Seth: I mean compared with how it sucked before, how does it […]

Punch Club

We learned that Ella needs dental work to correct problems with her overbite. No, this does not involve her lowering herself to the counter and gnashing her jaws like a parasitic worm, devouring all of Amy’s latest snickerdoodle muffins before anyone else can get a bite; it involves bone growth, or, rather, improper bone growth. […]

Violent Writers

Amy told me about a group of rich kids who were arrested for being violent rioters. I thought she said writers. Rioters are old hat these days. I’m more interested in hearing about violent writers. Questions on my mind right now: What techniques do violent writers use? Are there wardrobe requirements? In what environment is […]

Redneck Tanning Solutions

While Amy and I were driving to Costco to get flowers, I said I wanted to live half the year in the US and half in the UK. She asked why. I said so I could tan both of my arms evenly while I drive. My chest is so white that if I take my […]