Elbert Ainstein

We bought Will an Albert Einstein Funko Pop for his birthday. Before opening it, he shook it, turned it around in his hands, listened to the package, and declared he knew what it was. We asked him how he could be so sure. He remarked that the Albert Einstein edition was the only Funko Pop […]

Don’t Pick Up Abandoned Pancakes at the Park

Will borrowed my American Eagle hoodie to wear to the Phipps Prairie Park in Silvis, IL. Later, he told me he used it to pick up a pancake he found and toss it into the woods. I was mad, but this burned out like a single spark. How mad can you be when your son […]

Extreme Exfoliation

Will likes to play the adventure/horror game Dead by Daylight. He was talking about an attack technique and described surreptitiously getting behind someone and spinning his chainsaw. I thought he said the technique was called back rubbing. It was actually called “back revving,” as in revving one’s chainsaw to scare the bejesus out of a […]

Editor’s Note–TFF Issue 26

My fourteen-year-old son, Will, and I have been watching the SAW movies. What started out as a goal to build his horror movie collection has become regular father-son time on Saturday nights in our home. Arterial blood spray, innovative uses of power tools, finding new ways to make my muscles involuntarily contract—it seems there’s no […]

Survive Your Family

Our family has gotten into Jackbox Games, a collection of party games hosted through an internet-connected TV and played through devices, which substitute for game pieces, cards, whiteboards, scratch pads, etc. We’re still huge fans of traditional board games like Settlers of Catan and Carcassonne, as in those that require the razing of trees, the […]

Subconscious Ozzy

When all five of us are in the car, the radio is tuned to either 92.3 KGON classic rock or 89.9 KQAC classical. In addition to playing awesome music, these stations give me a chance to put a new spin on yoga relaxation. We listen to the soothing tones of an orchestral interlude, take it […]

It Would Break Me

In the weeks leading up to our three-week vacation, I asked Will if he was sure he didn’t want to do double school, reminding him that if he did, he would get six weeks off once we returned. He said he was sure. “It would break me,” he said. Teenage melodrama, meet your match. Will […]